Make Your Self-Esteem Soar!

Still tolerating the same old behaviors from yourself and/or others? You can live life freely on your terms. Learn how! Now is the time to take your power back.
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http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone

Are You Being Leveraged?

Might the why have something to do with guilt or shame? And is it possible that you are being manipulated by those emotions to your detriment?

Guilt and shame are worthy emotions intended to correct our behavior when we do something harmful to ourselves or to another. Yet, when we were conditioned early on in our life by the illusion of guilt or shame, we become targets for manipulators. They leverage our emotions to their advantage. Without our conscious awareness, they become the choreographers of our life—with our permission.

Illusion of guilt or shame? Yes; told that we need to be the bigger person, or not rock the boat, or don’t get someone else angry. Told that we are responsible for the behavior of others and that somehow if we walk more carefully on tightrope of good/perfect behavior there will be no upset in the family. When this happens, we unconsciously become susceptible to the use of guilt and shame to control us. How far reaching this control of our behavior goes in our adult life, depends on the depth of our childhood wound.

I have discovered that the behaviors we learned through the dynamics of our relationship with our mother drive our intimate relationships. Most reject this idea at first, yet in very short order, this can be proven. Discover what the wound is in that relationship, and as you begin to heal it, the dynamics of your intimate relationships will change.  Do you feel you have to keep the boat steady and be sure no one is upset? Do you own guilt and shame for things that truly are not yours to own? Do you feel responsible for the emotions of your partner?

The behaviors we learned through the dynamics of our relationship with our father drive our business or work behaviors. Discover what that wound is and your business success will change. Do you still feel your father is your authority? Do you still think you need his approval? Is there some level of childhood fear still within you?

Your wound is driving you to carry more than you fair share in the hopes of fulfilling the life of your dreams. Resolving old wounds can only be done by looking at them and healing them, not by overcompensating for them in your present life.

Evaluating whose “pieces” of responsibility you are carrying and why, is the beginning of acquiring the answers needed for rapid growth and permanent change. Whatever is holding you back, is grounded in the wounds you have ignored or not resolved fully.

Ultimately, if we continue to ignore the wounds that are sabotaging our lives, all those pieces we are holding, including our own, will crumble around us. Then, we will be forced to evaluate the wound. A deeper look now can allow you to let go of the pieces of responsibility that are not yours and thereby carry your own "piece" with more strength, power and joy. You can live life freely on your terms.

Wake Up to how you're operating from past hurts, Stand Up for your non-negotiable qualities and Live Free into your next reality.

Life is not meant to be a struggle, and healing from harsh forces is a beautiful, gentle awakening to the one limiting core belief—the red thorn—that can be gently released (not extracted).

Cut Your Root of Captivity.

Inbox Diana@redthornsolutions.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.

We are neither lawyers nor medical professionals.

This blog is opinion only. To learn more about our work go to www.redthornsolutions.com

If the content in this blog strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:

Me and My Shadow

Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom

On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone

Vulnerability Creates Connection

Many of us fear being vulnerable, yet we didn’t start out that way. Vulnerable is exactly what we were from the moment we were born. A constantly loving and nurturing environment creates in us a sense of security and allows us to own the knowledge that we are worthy of love precisely as we are.

Yet, no one can escape some harm in our lifetime. Harm can be as simple as an unkind word or being told we are wrong or behaving improperly or something far more violating. The level of the perceived harm will dramatically impact our willingness to continue being vulnerable.

Even the best parent will fail at times to give us what we need, either because of their own wounds, life circumstances, or simply not knowing what we need. In those moments that are in contrast to love and acceptance, we often begin to make new decisions about life. Reformulate our belief system to reflect what our present circumstances seem to be teaching us.

If we learned early on that it is not safe to reveal our true feelings, many of us stoically go through life, never letting the depths of our heart and soul show. We have decided it is not safe to announce our hurt, our fears or even our love. Yet it is from that hardened denial of ourselves that we miss the whole point of why we are here.

To connect in love deeply with each other.

Vulnerability, creates connection.

Without vulnerability relationships remain on the surface, having very little substance. No relationship can have depth when there is not a safe place to reveal our true selves. Everyone longs for their place where they can be fully accepted and loved as they are, for who they are, wounds and all.

Sadly, many never venture to their vulnerable places, often because of times in their life when they chose to be vulnerable to someone they believed they could trust, only to have their vulnerabilities used against them for harm.

Once we experience betrayal, or something different than the embrace we hope for when we show up as we truly are, we often begin to adapt ourselves to become who we think we have to be to be loved and accepted.

It is in those moments we give up ourselves.

We begin to move from our loving heart to our mind, trying to THINK of the best way to be loved and accepted. We think our feelings and avoid our heart, for we perceive it is either too tender or too hardened to endure more suffering.

In truth, rather than withhold our vulnerabilities, rather than hiding our pain, fears or depth of love, we should reveal them. Of course any relationship requires some time to establish trust, yet so often when people want to share more of themselves, they fear sharing because they fear they may lose the relationship. The person might leave, or might not love what they see. However, in time, vulnerabilities will be revealed. And once you show your vulnerabilities, the greatest most powerful benefit is that you get to learn who the person you are entrusting is— and if they are deserving of the depth you are offering. Someone’s response to your vulnerabilities defines them not you. And the sooner you can know who you are in relationship with, the better off you are.

Most importantly, you need to believe what you learn in that moment. Either that this person loves you enough to stay, comfort, discuss and grow with you, or they don’t. It will tell you, all you need to know. And that answer will drive you deeper into relationship or confirm that you may not be in a safe place. Of course we all have moments where we might not have behaved or responded as we wished, and if we desire connection, then we must take responsibility for those actions and adjust according. However, a pattern of behavior that shows we are not safe, is that, a pattern, and you cannot demand that it change, as you already have the evidence that it won’t. Don’t stay where you are not safe. You owe it to yourself to be free.

Most times, the outcome is what you knew to be true at some level even if you weren’t yet ready to accept it. This is true whether the outcome is good or bad. The hard part sometimes in both cases, is accepting it. Accepting you can be loved that much, or accepting that someone could disregard your emotions that harshly. Almost like you are an object.

Someone that loves you, loves you through your vulnerabilities. And if someone will run from you, or worse, use your vulnerability against you, find that out now, not years from now. This sacred connection is too important to delay. Don’t hide yourself for too long. We are meant to live in love, free to be transparent and to reveal the depths of ourselves. It is only when we can feel the true fullness of life and the liberation that comes from just being who we are, that we can feel intimately connected to each other and a bigger Universe.

Your vulnerability only leads to destruction if it is placed in the hands of someone that chooses not to value you, or is incapable of doing so. Either way, keep being vulnerable, trust your inner knowing and keep being courageous enough to reach for deep connections.

Wake Up to how you're operating from past hurts, Stand Up for your non-negotiable qualities and Live Free into your next reality.

Life is not meant to be a struggle, and healing from harsh forces is a beautiful, gentle awakening to the one limiting core belief—the red thorn—that can be gently released (not extracted).

Cut Your Root of Captivity.

Inbox Diana@redthornsolutions.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.

We are neither lawyers nor medical professionals.

This blog is opinion only. To learn more about our work go to www.redthornsolutions.com

If the content in this blog strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:

Me and My Shadow

Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom

On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone

Choose Healing Over Pain

Excerpt Me & My Shadow:

"What if every person who enters your life is part of a Universal plan to bring you to self-love? What if every moment is a perfectly orchestrated synchronicity giving you the opportunity to honor your human value? What if at any moment we could choose healing over pain, love over hate, freedom over control? And what if every single person can choose to create the most loving life possible if we can just decide at all levels of our being that we deserve it? These are the questions I have spent over three decades pondering. My quest for freedom and peace became an internal journey. I now rest assured knowing I do deserve love, healing, and freedom and I am living it. I believe we all deserve that same gift.

We have always been able to heal and live free. It requires that we embrace and accept ourselves exactly where we are. Instead we choose to endure pain, denying our self-worth, all on a quest for love and acceptance while never giving it to ourselves. It is our desire to control the outcome that often causes our pain, coupled with our fear that we are doing something wrong. We don’t want to fail or be seen as bad. To awaken, consider that we do not need to control others, nor be controlled. We need to see that we are enough, completely worthy of love and acceptance. Our wholeness comes from within. However, before we can experience this freedom we must begin to doubt all of our truths. We must reveal to ourselves the unconscious beliefs that are ruling our lives."

Wake Up to how you're operating from past hurts, Stand Up for your non-negotiable qualities and Live Free into your next reality.

Life is not meant to be a struggle, and healing from harsh forces is a beautiful, gentle awakening to the one limiting core belief—the red thorn—that can be gently released (not extracted).

Cut Your Root of Captivity.

Inbox Diana@redthornsolutions.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.

We are neither lawyers nor medical professionals.

This blog is opinion only. To learn more about our work go to www.redthornsolutions.com

If the content in this blog strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:

Me and My Shadow

Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom

On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone