How
often do we stand on the outside and judge believing we know the truth or what
is the best action to take in a circumstance...and then later learn that the
truth we believed was the lie? How open are we to even discovering The Truth,
or, is it ever even fully discoverable? How can we protect ourselves from the
trap of assumptions and conclusions that are false that lead us to cast our opinions
or judgment rather than offer our compassion? I believe, if we are open to listen to it, our
intuition and knowing can guide us. Yet to experience this knowing, we must
observe and not be so quick to judge another.
Is
it possible that time and time again people judge the person that was
manipulated or harmed? "They should have known better," "They
should not have done that," "They shouldn't have allowed that to
happen"...instead what would happen if we chose to realize the pain they
endured for being too asleep at the
time? What if we considered they were unaware of the truth of
their circumstances, that they were unable to see that they were being
manipulated or that they may be in the struggle of the aftermath of such
manipulations and again—where they need love and compassion, dare we judge?
Thoughts such as "Shouldn't they be past this by now?" "Why are
they staying so isolated?" "Why aren't they back to work?" Let
us ask ourselves, are we flawless? And who should decide such things for us other than ourselves?
It
is often goodness and wanting to believe, wanting to support and wanting to
love that blinds us. As I often say, love is not blind, it is only the
illusion of love that is. When we believe the illusion, we deny ourselves, as
true love does not deceive. Once we awaken to the deception, we then experience
the awareness of betrayal...a pain that is debilitating, as only someone you
love and trust can betray you.
What
if we offer compassion, before judgment? Of course then, we may offer it to someone
whose fooled us, yet observation and trusting our inner knowing won't leave us
there for long.
Our
own judgment is required to make a good decisions, true, yet experience,
intuition and logic can lead us to wise conclusions rather than knee jerk ones
that can be misguided.
In the following excerpt from my book I discuss what I have observed.
In the following excerpt from my book I discuss what I have observed.
A true manipulator knows
the more enmeshed your life is with theirs, the harder it will be for you to
escape, so that is what they are after.
Their goal is simple,
they want you fully vested in them. They want to keep you in the game and under
their control, like nothing more than a chess piece. Know your opponent. True
chess games may merely be about winning, yet in this game, for the most
calculating players, it is about annihilation.
If you find yourself in
one of these types of relationships, know that once you have tolerated the
maximum you can tolerate, it is imperative that you realize exiting initiates a
game at a much more deviant level. Prior to waking, the fighting was endless,
exhausting, and difficult. It remains endless until you are awake enough to see
that this game is strategic, not emotional. You must get out of your emotions
and stop applying the same human thinking you have in your mind, to how their
mind works.
This is true in business
or other family dynamics as well. When you become nonchalant instead of
reactive because you can stand in your power, and not your emotions, your sense
of security throws them off and empowers you. It is all the same, a chess game.
It is important that you
see that wherever there is abuse in your life, this chess game is something to
consider. It should be no surprise to you that my assessment largely focuses on
experiencing and ending intimate sociopathic relationships, yet know that
departure from abuse is about having the courage to see the truth, and then to act
on that truth. We must awaken, heal, and embrace our wholeness that has been
ours all along.
Ending relationships
often ends in battle. You may be battling over the children, dogs, art, cars,
assets…but you must consider that they may not care about these things. They
may just want to grab a hold of what you care about so they can win. They want
you to feel as though you owe them. They want to play on your compassion. You
feel that perhaps they deserve to see or have the dog, or maybe even the
children. You want to have their rights honored…and so you compromise. Or perhaps
you want to be free so badly that you are willing to walk away in ways that are
harmful to you.
As you know more, you
will consider what you may not have considered before, that you are not dealing
with a genuinely emotional individual; instead you may be dealing with a master
manipulator. Every single thing in their life is an object, an object that can
be used as a tool to harm and control you. Once you understand that, embrace
that, and feel your heart shift as a result, you are awake. Do not apply this
concept to all divorces or all departures from church, work or any organization
or person. The situation I describe is not always the reality. It is true,
however, that you must be awake to the possibility. Observe who you are
battling with and if your experience is nonsensical and harmful, you just may
be in a vicious game of chess, instead of a true above board dissolution with benign
beings.
So
how do you know the truth of your circumstances? I am going to state that when you look back,
most often you know you knew. You know that at some level you had a little
distrust, a little nagging feeling that something wasn't right, but you weren't
ready to face it...not yet. And when we do face it, what do we generally do
first? We judge ourselves as we often
fear others would...we tell ourselves how stupid we were, how foolish we were
how pathetic we were...and instead, more than anything, what do we need? Compassion. Begin to offer the breadth and
depth of compassion to yourself, and in doing so, you will become clearer about
who truly needs it and who is "stealing" it from you to later
harm. That which we hope to receive, we
must first learn to give to ourselves.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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