Right
now, many of the people I am helping by partnering with them have reached the same
plateau. It is the most exciting, and yet scary part of what I do, leading
people to Stand in their Power and then watching and participating as they do.
Until that moment, that moment they can see the truth, the moment they are
ready to embrace the unthinkable, it is hard to prepare them for what is coming
and although we have worked together on any and all interactions with their
abuser to determine what to text, what to say, or what not to say or do, and
how to do whatever is determined best, there is always this disbelief that this
person they once cared about or loved will do what is being predicted, but then
it happens. They see with their own eyes, and experience it fully, these
individuals who they thought they loved are who they feared they were. These
individuals are capable of doing what deep inside they were afraid they might
be able to...and they realize their inner knowing had awareness all the while;
this person has intent to harm, intent to control and it defines them.
We
all know no contact is the goal. The
path to arrive is not always the same.
This
awareness of the true conscienceless being they were in relationship with was a
truth they were afraid to face fully, but now, when it is too in their face to
ignore, the preparation we had worked toward together, ignites them, they are
ready, afraid but ready. When they are
truly ready to stand in their power they have decided that they have had enough
of the manipulation and control. It is a
true moment, where they get these manipulators will indeed stop at nothing. In
this moment they decide to stand for what is right and true and they will not
fear the lies that are dangled over their heads as a weapon used to manipulate
them into cooperation, they will do what is deemed appropriate, stand against
or ignore the evil claims, that they are crazy, a bad mother, a drunk, or have
done something wrong that will shame them.
The way to win is to stand in truth.
Fully in truth, no fear of the lies and intimidations, yet you must do
so wisely. It is in the moment of full awakening, that you are ready to stand
guard over what matters most, your home, your heart, your children.
So
often people do not know how to protect themselves. Below are a few tips. For
more details go to www.standingup.us and download "Defeating deceptive
manipulators in Your Battle."
1. Record any interaction with your abuser if
you can. In some cases it is best to do so discreetly, in other instances,
blatantly. You know your abuser better
than anyone. Draw from your wisdom, but
always you need evidence of the stalking, the relentless calls and so on. (Find out if your state is one party or two party consent state. If it is one party, read the terms of the law but you can tape more freely even if they do not know you are recording. If it is two party, it is a violation to tape...know your rights. Google it)
2. Drop your need to protect them. They likely taught
you that you would be disloyal or unkind if you did not always stand for their
"honor." They did this so that
you would feel guilt if you didn't protect them, and what did protecting them
cost you? It is time to fend for yourself.
3.
Do not engage in conversation. If no contact is impossible then you have to
learn how to communicate as necessary but not engage. I spend a great deal of my time helping in
this arena as individuals share with me what has been said and look for guidance on
responses. This is truly an art and it is borne from your ability to PREDICT
their behavior, something I am skilled at...due to excessive experience. These
manipulators are more predictable than you may have considered. Once you can
predict their behavior, what to do next becomes more obvious.
4. Remember that you have a say so in how your attorney presents things. Also remember you need to listen to your attorney!!! I do not give legal advice. I predict behavior which has nothing to do with the law. My thoughts are for consideration, but your attorney knows the law. Heed the guidance. You also need to remember that not all attorneys are clear on how deceptive, vindictive, outrageous a person you are dealing with...stand in your knowing. Help them see the truth, rationally and logically. Presenting a logical strong case TO your attorney to help to defend you is also something I can help you with.
Along
those lines, here is an excerpt from my book "Me and My Shadow:"
There were multiple
turning points that reflected my power and ultimately caused the abusers to disappear.
There were many times that my strength enabled me to act in ways previously
foreign to me. As I said, in our Awake state, we can see lifelines we never
could have seen while asleep.
My final attorney had
come to respect and honor my crazy predictions about my abusers’ behavior. I
say "final" attorney because I had to be strong enough to release
another attorney who didn't have my best interest at heart, which was very
difficult. Remember in places of authority, sociopaths lurk.
During the battle for my
exit, one of my abusers had managed to claim that certain items at my home were
used for his business, and a judge had ordered that I give him access to these
items when he needed them. He was required to give me very little notice. He
would claim to need these items frequently, as an excuse to come to my home and
intimidate me. In these moments, I found having a private investigator there to
film to be very powerful. Remember, to these abusers the click in the chamber
of a gun ignites less fear, than the click of a camera.
As my fear diminished, I
could see more clearly every day. I decided this time when the notice was
given, I would refuse to honor the legal agreement to the use of the property.
This decision was vehemently against my attorney's advice. I stated I would
rent a similar item for my abuser to use if it was necessary. The response from
opposing counsel was that there would be contempt charges against me, which
would likely result in jail time. I stood my ground. I wasn't afraid. I couldn't
see a judge caring where the item came from as long the equipment was made
available to serve the purpose of the “claimed” need. Authority just wasn't
that scary anymore. I was my own authority now.
I was finally willing
and able to file contempt or domestic violence charges as appropriate on them,
as well as to risk contempt charges on myself. I was willing to take steps to
protect myself, even if it meant that they would get in trouble. I was no
longer intent on holding their piece. My focus was my safety. Their protection
was of no concern to me.
It was clear to all
parties, the game had changed.
Ultimately, cameras were
my hero. They captured things that were too evident to run from. The key is to
let the fear that you likely feel upon awakening, transition to adrenaline to
keep you finding ways out and strengthening your self-esteem. Wield your sword
of protection boldly and with precision. Seek help. If you have a gut intuitive
feeling that the help you chose cannot be trusted, then keep looking for other
help. Break the string the moment you see the person on the other end is
operating from their shadow. The moment you see or feel that someone does not
have your best interest at heart, simply tug that string and break it, don’t
ever let that string become a rope, more securely attached to you to your
detriment ever again.
After all the battles
had subsided, given some of the situations I had dealt with, I decided to
involve the Office of Internal Affairs of the local police department. Awake, I
was a force to be reckoned with, and I will be forevermore.
It
is in the moment of full awakening, that you are ready to stand guard over what
matters most, the sanctity of your home, your heart, your children. Awakening your thorns of protection, it is
not about harm, or vengeance, it is about no longer allowing abuse and threats
to control your life.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and
My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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