http://israelforeignaffairs.com/how-to-deal-with-a-sociopath
I didn't anticipate writing this blog. The article I just read "How to Deal with a Sociopath," (linked above), prompted me to write.
In general I liked the content of the article, especially the list of questions to ask ourselves to assess if we may in fact be in a relationship or a situation with a sociopath.
That said, given that both the title and the content suggests an understanding of the inner workings of a sociopath, I was terribly unnerved by the response given to the question raised in a separate box within the article with the title:
"Can I fight this Police Report?"
Manipulative individuals are notorious for using the police and other authorities to force us into compliance...to back down...to run away and after reading that response I can see how one might decide they better back down! That is what unnerved me...no support, no compassion for the debt or the circumstances, just seeming accusations and little else.
In my opinion there are far too many gaps in the statement shown to us by the questioner to make the definitive conclusion referenced in the response, a portion of which reads:
"Based on your description of your behaviour in your other questions under the name 'Zalena,'. it sounds as though you most certainly have been engaging in the harassment of your ex and of his family and friends."
I found this so unnerving that I am still very bothered by it.
It is duly noted that the responder words imply that there may be more content that the responder has reviewed that we are not being shown, and from there, potentially other information including the author's name Zalena may have been obtained. However, what about the readers and how they may feel after reading that definitive conclusion?
"It sounds as though you most certainly have been engaging in the harassment of your ex and of his family and friends." (Emphasis added)
Guilty! Not only guilty, but the responder further indicates that additional charges may befall her, likely inducing tremendous fear!
How many of you have been accused of being the stalker, the abuser, the one who will be in trouble with the law when you yourself HAVE done nothing wrong, as Zalena claims?
In such instances shouldn't further investigation be made?
1. Did she reach out to the same people "on-line" over and over, or did she individually contact people once? (the responder mentions "repeated and unwanted telephone contact" yet there was no mention of telephone contact other than the cell phone text that initiated the "claims" against her.)
2. Was she badgering people after she had been asked to not contact them further? Or did anyone even suggest they did not want to be contacted?
3. Was she relentless in her pursuit and was she accusatory or defamatory in such pursuit?
We as individuals and as a group must be empowered to STAND and be heard and have conclusions drawn based on facts, not pieces of information that are incomplete. We must not allow conclusions to be cast or judgment made until reasonable effort is made to reveal the facts.
Lastly, the information provided was additionally confusing.
Zalena writes, " they replied that they were going to file a police report on me for stalking and harassment it is going to be a viable law suit for 4000 dollars."
They were "going to," does not mean they did, so the implication she was in court and her reference to the particular judgment decided, also does not make sense.
This is not to say she is NOT a stalker, or a person guilty of harassment. In fact I see some implicit implications in her words that allow for such thinking, but instead it is to say that there was not sufficient information in what was shown to us for a just decision to be made.
I make this lengthy response because this is my passion: Justice. Helping people Stand and allowing their truth to be told. Every person has a voice and people should be heard before conclusions are drawn. So often the victims become the accused. Instead, they deserve support, guidance, and, at the very least, to get their full story out before conclusions are decided.
Yes I stand in complete agreement with the author of the response in that "You're not entitled to engage in repeated and unwelcome telephone contact with these people. it's not an acceptable way to attempt to collect on a judgement," yet do we know that is what she has done?
We all know that there are appropriate and inappropriate pathways to obtain an outcome. My thoughts might best summed up by one of the habits that Stephen Covey offers in the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People."
"Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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