The Skill of a Sociopath; Finding a "Sleeping" Rescuer

This week has just been deluged with people WAKING UP...no longer in rescuing "them" mode, but instead finally willing to rescue themselves...in honor of that it seemed appropriate to share this excerpt from Me and My Shadow...

The distortion of our view and how much we want to save them, how much we want to see them reach their potential, reach what they claim they long to become, is a seemingly never ending force to be reckoned with. We endlessly want to believe they want to be better and do better, no matter how much evidence we see to the contrary. In the desperate moments when they seem to beg for compassion, where they drop to their knees and plead for forgiveness in their seemingly child-like innocence, we believe them. In these moments, I stayed, because I truly wanted to be a part of their healing and I knew I had stamina and endurance to stand with them.

What are you allowing your stamina and endurance to trap you in with a sense that the circumstances will change?

For me, it was that I could heal and change the abuser. I was recently reminded of the intensity with which I felt that belief when I found a book that I had once given to an abuser in my life.

In the inside cover it read:

This book helped me understand your heart so much better. It is also confirmed for me that your false self can be minimized by God and you need to know- You have what it takes.

I love you,

Diana

Do you know what I remember about the night I gifted that book with this message? I was in a little cabin near my home. I was working through an exercise that was about healing. I found a lovely little place with a hot tub and asked him to meet me there that night. I planned to spend the day working toward healing and discovery.

Rather than spend the day on my healing, which is what the experience was supposed to be about, I read a book about how to better understand the soul of a man. So when he came to the cabin that night I had all sorts of highlights and messages all designed to help him know I understood him, that I just knew he could heal and I wanted to help him. He took the book and wrote this inside the cover:

God give me an open heart for your word and guidance through this book to be all that you want me to be. Amen

I saw the remorse and the hope of change in his eyes, and so I stayed. Again.

He never read the book.

Accepting that you have allowed the abuse is an important part of waking up. Equally important is acknowledging what level of abuse will prompt you to Stand Up. For instance, it may seem comparatively easy to experience a physically violent act and respond by Standing Up and leaving the relationship, or it may not. Consider also that some of the deception and manipulation may not be quite so tangible. Perhaps your abuser does not threaten violence upon you, but does upon himself. Perhaps you are subtly made to fear your abuser by reminders of their physical strength, social standing, or of your own economic dependence. To Wake Up to the entirety of your reality enables you to Stand Up in a more effective and empowered way. This also translates to any aspect of your life where you are being controlled, not merely romantic relationships, as it was most significantly for me.

I ultimately stood up to abuser after abuser. Valiant fights nearly always ending in my favor through courtroom battles, legal documents, and an endless barrage of evidential claims, always after suffering physical, financial, emotional and mental warfare and subsequent pain. But the bigger question is why should there be any of these experiences, never mind a plethora of them? Because I stood up, but I hadn’t woken up, therefore I continued the pattern over and over with a string of willing participants. If you find you Stand Up only after you endured more than should be tolerable, know that you are asleep. With awareness comes wisdom. With wisdom comes responsibility. Our awareness of this pattern and the shapes the abuse takes are key.

Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone

Redthorn Solutions LLC
Partnering with People for Conflict and Crisis Resolution!
All Partnering done via phone or Internet

If this content strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:

Me and My Shadow

Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.

 On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone

Diana, founder of Redthorn Solutions LLC is neither a medical professional nor a lawyer. The thoughts in this blog are opinion only. To learn more about our work go to:

www.redthornsolutions.com

Our Mission: 

​Partnering with people to relinquish their chaos and confusion in exchange for clarity and resolution from whatever crisis they find themselves in. 

We do not give legal advice, nor do we use legal principles to apply to your circumstances. Instead we focus on how to empower you to communicate and use proper positioning to overcome any struggle through influential and concise communications. We guide people to Wake Up, then Stand Up, so that they may Live Freely.