So what makes us numb out our heart in favor of our mind? As a result of a life time of being told our feelings are wrong, we simply lose trust. We don't trust that we are wise enough to know how we feel, but who could be more aware of how we feel than us? Where we went wrong was allowing someone outside of ourselves to set the standard for our own feelings. We allowed people outside of ourselves to tell us if our feelings were right or wrong instead of trusting and honoring our feelings. As a result, slowly we not only lost our trust in ourselves and thereby our own ability to be the authority in our life, we also numbed our heart, became fearful of connection, fearful that we would hurt someone or be hurt in return. Yet, our heart is all knowing and it is only not trusting it that leads us astray.
So to be free, we must return to ourselves, we must reenter our heart and we must trust our own inner knowing. When we have buried it so deeply, it may be difficult to access at first, spend time with you, journal, re-enter your full self...many times we have detached completely from ourselves. It is as if we are not even in our body, only in our minds. And from that place it can feel quite barren, empty, lonely, isolating. You have the power to come back to full life.
Here are some thoughts on topic from Me and My Shadow, Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
In order to rebuild the self-esteem and self-confidence that we have lost over our lifetimes, we must begin to be the parent to ourselves. Who knows what we need better than we do? Remember, we are each holding the hand of the little child inside of us. We must nurture this child until this child knows that we, the adult, can be trusted to take care of him or her. We must build our toolkit and learn how to offer ourselves the love and acceptance that we have been denied. We cannot expect to find external love until we have found it within ourselves.
When our feelings become too much to bear, we stop feeling them and start thinking them. Our emotions move from our hearts to our heads. We feel only our numbness in our hearts. We operate in our mind because of fear. This has been our defense, our default. This is how we "keep it together." We think our feelings by overanalyzing. We replay situations in our minds over and over. We try to strategize, try to control. We end up being frenetic and anxious. Feelings are not meant for the mind, they are meant for the heart.
Allow me to provide you with a useful exercise in moving from your mind to your heart. Sit quietly, inhale and exhale slowly. Release all the tension in every part of your body, your "happy place" can help. Once you do that, imagine a very small version of yourself coming down a ladder from your brain or mind, to your heart. See a little door in front of your heart and consider stepping in.
Some people are too terrified to step in. Pretend there is someone with you, anyone you’d like, even if they don’t really exist, and attempt to walk in. Meet your heart. As you see the contents of your heart, just pour love, however you envision love, on everything you see or feel. Begin to once again embrace the feeling power of your heart.
This is not to discount the power of our minds, they are powerful and necessary parts of who we are. Our hearts are as well. Obtaining congruence between your heart and your mind leads to a congruent, healthy and flowing body, mind, and spirit. If we only use our minds, it is as if we are only using our left hands. We can get things done, but it is difficult with only one hand. Let the other hand join, and our power exponentially increases. Use both hands…mind and heart. Over time, you can use the whole of you, mind, body, and spirit. There is no shame in feeling our emotions in our heart. We no longer need our facade of invulnerability. After all of the time that we have been numb, we may have forgotten how to feel. We may not be aware that we are feeling anything, let alone what those feelings are. We must regain access to our hearts by beginning in the place where we currently are, our minds.
A simple action to begin rebuilding your self-esteem is to imagine you have sticky labels, and throughout the day, label your emotions. Sad, angry, hurt, afraid, label the positive ones too. There is never a "wrong" emotion. Any emotion that shows up is the right emotion to lead us to the truth about ourselves. Don't argue with your feelings. Through allowing yourself to acknowledge your feelings, you begin to be more self-aware. By consciously and actively labeling our emotions, we are forcing ourselves to be introspective.
Wherever you are in your life right now, no matter how detached you may feel, know that the longing that you have is the longing for you. Spent time with you, reacquaint yourself with the parts of you that were directed to disappear by those who wanted to define you. You define you...and you are beautiful.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
Redthorn Solutions LLCYour Partner For Conflict and Crisis Resolution
All Partnering done via phone or Internet
All Partnering done via phone or Internet
If this content strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:
Me and My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-Kindle-D-Iannarone
Diana, founder of Redthorn Solutions LLC is neither a medical professional nor a lawyer. The thoughts in this blog are opinion only. To learn more about our work go to www.redthornsolutions.com
Our Mission:
Partnering with people to relinquish their chaos and confusion in exchange for clarity and resolution from whatever crisis they find themselves in.
We do not give legal advice, nor do we use legal principles to apply to your circumstances. Instead we focus on how to empower you to communicate and use proper positioning to overcome any struggle through influential and concise communications. We guide people to Wake Up, then Stand Up, so that they may Live Freely.
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