How is that we can be dynamic in business, exude self-confidence, speak our mind, and yet kowtow or at least tolerate some intolerable behaviors in our private world?
Without our conscious awareness, childhood wounds are guiding our actions and inactions in our life until we choose to look within ourselves and heal them. Years of doing the work I do, and my own life experiences, has solidified for me a key factor.
Our intimate relationships and our business savvy have been created by different sources.
Our self-confidence drives us in our work. Our self-confidence is a byproduct of our validation for our “doings.” Most of our confidence is driven by our relationship with our dad. Maybe we excelled to prove him wrong, or maybe we excelled because he believed in us, but one way or another, our confidence is driven largely by our father energy…not so for our intimate relationships.
Our intimate relationships are driven by our mother energy. How loved did we feel for just being? And if the answer is that we only felt loved for what we could do, how right we could make things, how well we can hold the family together and keep the boat from rocking; our intimate relationships will be a testimony to the exhaustion of trying to fix the unfixable. Our self-esteem is what drives the quality of our intimate relationships, and the lower it is, the more turmoil in our life. Our self-esteem drives our ability to embrace our worth because of who we are, not because of what we do. Self-esteem is the awareness that we matter even if we are just “being.” We are worthy, deserving, lovable, because we exist.
The impact of this is far reaching. Targets of sociopathic/narcissistic relationships actually have high self-confidence, and low self-esteem. This allows a perpetrator to leverage both our ability to “do” and our loyalty, and devotion as partners, to their advantage. They know we will keep trying harder if the relationship seems to be failing. We have stamina and endurance, and are willing to give everything—persevere to make it work. We believe then, we will be loved for who we are and will have a flourishing relationship.
Then one day, often in the distant future, we realize we sacrificed our life. Gradually over time, we had given away ourselves in the quest to feel worthy of love, perhaps without realizing that was our driving force.
What is the solution to regain ourselves, restore our energy, and feel the vibrancy of being who we are?
We must begin to remember our worth. There is a process of rebuilding self-esteem. It starts by acknowledging and honoring our own feelings. Letting others have their own emotions without feeling we have to fix them. Learning to no longer over explain and justify our actions so people will see us as we are, as opposed to how they tell us we are…and decide to say NO. Guilt free No. We matter; and if we are being manipulated and controlled, know that is our choice and we can change the quality of our life by getting in alignment with who we really are, versus who we have believed we had to be to keep things running smooth.
Jump off those eggshells, and begin to feel the wholeness of reclaiming all the lost pieces of you. Know that things can escalate as you begin to find your power again, so exercise caution, yet also be clear, you need not kowtow to anyone. You are your own authority. When you feel the fullness of that truth, you will be living life on your terms.
Wake Up to how you're operating from past hurts, Stand Up for your non-negotiable qualities and Live Free into your next reality.
Life is not meant to be a struggle, and healing from harsh forces is a beautiful, gentle awakening to the one limiting core belief—the red thorn—that can be gently released (not extracted).
Cut Your Root of Captivity.
Inbox Diana@redthornsolutions.com for a FREE CONSULTATION.
We are neither lawyers nor medical professionals.
This blog is opinion only. To learn more about our work go to www.redthornsolutions.com
If the content in this blog strikes a chord with you, consider buying Diana's story which was written to serve as a guide to freedom:
Me and My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom
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