What if it is true that every living creature has the capacity for evil, even if we choose to not acknowledge it? And what is the cost to us if we choose to not acknowledge this truth?
Very often the cost of this is we become targets for manipulation and abuse. We become this target because we refuse to use our capacity that was given to us, our capacity for evil, because we translate that to mean harm, rather than protection. It is true that some operate from their capacity for evil, but it is not true that some do not have the capacity for evil, and denying it is often at the root of our circumstances.
Every living
thing, was given some means of defense, some means of protecting
themselves...the question becomes what prompts us to use those mechanisms, and
how much will we tolerate before we do?
For those of
us that had a history of choosing sociopathic relationships, we literally
confused protection and harm. We would never harm another, and we refused to
accept that we even had the capacity, and in doing so we had become very
proficient at tolerating the intolerable. We chose to take the abuse...deciding it was
acceptable, as we never wanted to be perceived as mean. We wanted to offer
compassion, comfort and love. And we
gave these things beautifully, only while we are "asleep," (which is
the term I use to explain that state of being where we are unaware
of our full capacities and the truth of our lives), we neglect to give
those same gifts to ourselves. We forget
that we matter in the formula of love and life.
Just like
every rose has its thorns, we too have the power to protect our beautiful,
delicate spirit. In fact it is, and
always has been, up to us to decide when to use that power to protect. To do
so, we must wake up to the parts of us that we have chosen to deny...our
capacity for evil. It is just a capacity, and denying it in ourselves...makes
it too easy for us to deny in others. We so want to believe that people are
inherently good...and wouldn't harm.
This is simply not always the case.
All beings
have the capacity for evil, it is just what might prompt it that varies.
Just like my
dog would never harm, I would never harm. But if someone was to beat my dog, she
just might then ignite, perhaps even without thinking, her capacity for evil,
because for her it is instinct. We may have turned that necessary instinct off
and it can be quite detrimental. Now if my kind dog was moved to attack, there
would generally be warnings first, and then, if there was no way out...she
would likely attack. I would never hurt
my dog because of who I am, but inherently
I know that she could harm me and vice-versa...all creatures can harm, I just know it is not her nature to do so...she acknowledges the same in me. The cost for not acknowledging such a capacity could be
high. This is not only true for dogs, it is true for people. It should not be only in a life or death situation that you become aware and acknowledge the power that is within in you. Don't wait for a life or death situation to ignite your awareness of your capacity to protect. Instead, you want to understand and embrace all your
capacities, at all times, so that you are safer in the world. What you acknowledge about yourself has a
great deal to do with what you attract to you!
If you are
looked upon as someone that does not know or acknowledge they have the capacity
for harm, can you see why you can be a target? And can you see if people
recognize you have the capacity, that knowledge alone increases dramatically
the likelihood that you will never need to use it?
If others believe you would not harm, even to protect, those that operate from their evil
capacity will looked to leverage that to their advantage.
To
illustrate, here is an excerpt from Me and My Shadow addressing this denial:
You
may wonder why we are so quick to excuse the cruelty, evil-doings or even
simply the meanness of others. This is because we ourselves are unwilling to
see our own capacity for evil. We do not even like the word. We shudder to
think we could possibly have such a capacity and, as a result, we deny it in
ourselves and we deny it in others, even as this truth is displayed boldly
before us. We have disowned our capacity for evil long ago, perhaps with no
conscious awareness. We close our eyes to it. We deny this capacity that is inherent
in every human. Yes, every human has the capacity for evil, even us, and even
those we love.
I
too struggled to understand that people could be bad. In fact, when asked by my
therapist what I told my daughter about ending one abusive relationship, I
shared with her that I told my daughter, “He was a good man that did some bad
things and he wasn’t healthy for us to live with anymore.”
I
was instructed to go home right in that moment, and tell my daughter that I had
told her what I believed was the truth, but that now I learned something
different, and needed to tell her what was the more accurate truth.
“He
was a bad man who did some good things and he wasn’t healthy for us to live
with anymore.”
To
help me see this conclusion my therapist asked me if I would do to another the
things that were being done to me. My answer was an adamant “no”…but of course
my immediate thought was so clear, no one
understood his pain like I did, if they did, they would know he was doing the
best he could. I couldn’t see the great assessment tool I was given in that
moment, to ask, “What would keep me from doing those acts on another?” I
couldn’t see that it was because they were mean, cruel, yes, even evil acts.
They were too mean for me to do to
another, yet not too mean for me to accept from
another. I couldn’t see my pain
through my illusion of their pain.
He
was a bad man. I had never even opened my mind or heart to that consideration
that some people are inherently bad and I wouldn’t for quite some time.
He was a bad man who did
some good things and he wasn’t healthy for us to live with anymore.
The
fact that we have the capacity for evil or harm does not make us evil. If you
prefer, think of it as your dark side, or your shadow; the part of you where
the light is hidden from. You would not do evil. It is your sense of ethics
that keeps you from acting in evil ways, however, that does not nullify the
reality that you have the capacity. You
cannot awaken until you embrace this truth. All humans have the capacity. To
start, consider this; have you ever had an evil thought? Something that you
considered but you would never do? Perhaps you have even acted on it. Perhaps
you have lied, or manipulated, or stolen. These are all acts of the shadow, but
these mere acts do not make you an evil person.
Once
you embrace this capacity it may very well give you a lifeline. There are
lifelines available for you that would seem unreasonable to grab while you are
asleep. In fact, while asleep, you are not even able to see the lifeline. Part
of awakening is accepting this side of you, the shadow side. You cannot arrive
at your freedom without it.
You may be saying to yourself...but I stand up for
myself all the time. I tell people I do
not deserve to be treated this way! You
see, but if you are doing that repeatedly, perhaps you still have not seen the
problem? Once it is clear that you will be honored by anyone in your life,
there will no longer be any reason to defend. Once you acknowledge that you
truly have the capacity ; Once you are certain that you can and will protect yourself, that
presence alone sends out a new vibration that only invites in all that is
good...and if anything in contrast shows up, you know you can release it and
never look back, because now you have factored yourself in the formula. You too deserve compassion and love and have the power to assure you receive nothing in opposition. You just must acknowledge that you figurately have thorns, or a sword, a given defense to help you stand. The power has always been within you. We simply need to reignite it.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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