We must be warriors for awareness and change. The prevalence of
narcissistic and sociopathic encounters are growing rampant in our society and
I hope we can all unite to secure our ability to stand in our power and defeat
them. We must be courageous and shine the flashlight on the evil and deception
these individuals utilize to cause destruction of our world and our hearts.
Armed with knowledge and strength, together we will change the world.
"I'd take a bullet for
you!" He would so often say. I realize now of course if ever put to that
test, I would far more likely be the shield than the protected. The sociopath
and the narcissist alike paint a very noble picture of themselves. They intimate
that they would never harm, they state convincingly that they always intend to do
the right thing. They share with us painful pieces of the injustice in their
life. They portray that in spite of their nobility, somehow it seems that time after
time they get betrayed. This is intended to pull on our heart strings. While we
are asleep, which is the term I use to define being willing to accept their
lies as truth, we wish to aid these seemingly unfortunate souls. They are
indeed self-described protectors of all they "claim" to love. "I
will stand to protect you always, even at my own peril!" And, the illusion
of safety is craftily devised...
They may share with you stories of their dark past, before they
became changed by awareness; or God.
They often use spirituality or religion as the power that enlightened them to
their truth and stepped them on their quest to be a better man or woman. This
is all part of the allure to hook you. Stories of redemption and hope.
While asleep, there are times we sort of scrunch our brows
together as we hear their words, their reactions and responses to others when
they feel they are being mistreated by them and we say to ourselves, well
that doesn't seem a very noble response does it? Then we justify away
the fleeting, yet glaring truth; the glimpse of their evil that we just witnessed.
We excuse it away under the concept of believing they feel injured, they are
merely defending themselves or reacting to harm. Duly note however, that when
there is conflict, they do not address these things in an adult manner as we
would. Rather than seek to understand and ask questions...they attack with a
vengeance. The more devious and insidious reactions you witness, the more
you begin to see the truth...yet we often allow ourselves to believe we are the
chosen one. By this I mean we tell ourselves that they treat those people
that way, they would do that to THEM, but
never to us. And of course if it does happen to us, they are so good at blaming
that we somehow accept our role in what transpired and we begin to believe we must
have deserved it. When that mask slips, when you see the unkindness bestowed on
others or yourself, they are showing you the truth of their capacity for evil; believe
them.
Remember too that these individuals
have no true competency to feel emotions as we do. So when they hear the
emotions or see the emotions of others they are merely observing; seeking
to learn how it is done so they can utilize this power, so they can mimic that
pattern they observed when it suits them. I have also discovered through
experience that sociopaths and narcissists have a sort of naive play, a
presence of innocence. They set the stage about how noble they are and
then act like they don't understand the cruelty of others...why would they
be cruel to me? I have always been good to others, why would someone harm
me? I have only tried to help others, why do they betray me? And
we believe. We believe because in many cases it has been OUR truth, we have
devotedly given and we are just saddened that they have been so mistreated.
They may even act confused, "why do these people respond
this way?" "Why do they judge me like that?" And we are so
often the infinite teachers and nurturers, we teach, explain, comfort,
like one might with a small child. We help them see meaning in behaviors,
deepening their power and strength against us. Beware of their proclaimed
innocence to their comprehension of the cruelty and judgment of the world, as
it may simply be them denying their own truth. We so often choose to educate
them how to imitate feelings, portray compassion, act in a manner that shows
reverence, honor, love...we must fully acknowledge the truth, they do not truly
experience these emotions, not do they wish to. They appear to absorb this
guidance for one reason, they always only have one reason...never for any other
reason...purely, solely and completely, to get what they want or need from
us.
This naive play they employ can be in many facets, in love or in
business, so how do we often respond? We share our intellectual capital, our
advice, we offer our wisdom to help them. We also often open our check
book, or offer our connections, or business know-how. Those of us that
are targeted for this type of abuse have high self-confidence, that is what
makes us a valued target. Our knowledge
and strength is what drew them to us, knowing we would deliver our full value. They
knew, what we didn't recognize, and that was that our low self-esteem blinds us
to the truth of them. We do not see the fullness of our worth as an individual.
We see our "doings" as our power, rather than ourselves. And so
we love or give to the point of sacrifice, hoping beyond hope to receive the
depth of love or appreciation, so we will know we are worthy.
They are devoid of any true
depth, and anything you experience
to the contrary is an illusion. For narcissists, this illusion is depicted
to leverage others into giving them praise for their greatness and the
incessant compassion they long for. For sociopaths it is to take something from
you, control you, your money, your assets, even your pets...and most horridly,
your children.
Their childlike innocence, this seeming lack of understanding is
a ploy, and we often see it as part of their charm. We must awaken! An adult does not need basic emotions
explained. Normal functioning adults know cause and effect. They so often claim
to have had a lifetime of abuse and yet they assert that they do not understand
emotions, reactions, behaviors. This may very well mean one thing, they are
devoid of emotion, devoid of conscience.
A sociopath and a narcissist alike never genuinely take accountability
for any harm they may have caused. Trying to hold them accountable is like
trying to nail Jello to a tree. They always slip away...leaving us thinking it
must be us. We targets are highly accountable individuals and are therefore always
willing to consider it is the error of our ways that need to be addressed...until
we WAKE UP!
To Wake up is to snap out of
the delusion they have convinced us to believe. When we snap awake, the truth
is painfully revealed. It is incomprehensible to us that we ever could have
missed such blatant deception. We must remind ourselves though that
deception was their plan. Our plan, was Love or business success and all
actions were grounded in kindness and integrity. We must be willing to look
within and really listen to that inner knowing. It is there, it always is
there, yet we tend to disregard that knowing in favor of what we want to
believe, what we desperately want to be the truth. Instead, we deny that
knowing for the hope of the dream...the dream they calculatingly manifested in
our mind and our heart so deeply that we refuse to see anything else. And
how did they do that? They listened, they heard, and began painting
beautiful imagery with every brush stroke...a work of art that they themselves
simply had to hide behind so the truth of their deviance would not be detected
by us.
Can you hear their words?
" No one has ever loved me like this." "No one has ever
made me a priority like this." "No one has ever supported me
like this." Thankfully now as I hear these words I am more apt to respond
with this ill feeling in my stomach...and say to myself (or even aloud), perhaps
there is a reason!
Restoration of our self-esteem changes our vibration in such a
way that we become a mismatch for these unconscionable individuals, rather than
a magnet pulling them toward us.
Once we are restored to our
wholeness we know that as they define all the betrayal, as they speak of the
poor character of those they have been in relationship with, that it is
themselves in the mirror that they see. We then realize these individuals
objectify people, they do not know how to genuinely honor another, no matter
what they may mimic or reflect to the contrary. People, sadly, are
unwitting pawns in a game of their life. These predators cannot see into
the heart and soul of another, they can only see the "use" of this
object. Yes, until we are awake to our own worthiness and then able to see the
truth, we are susceptible to be used as a mere object, nothing more. We must
not delude ourselves into reaching through to find any other conclusion.
We cannot persuade them to be different in any real terms.
In the case of a sociopath, they will simply hide the parts of themselves
that you tell them you do not wish to see. They hide the parts of themselves
that will cause you to leave so that they can keep you in the game and control
you.
A narcissist does not thrive on control in the same manner, they
instead thrive on the strokes to their ego, their lifeblood. And, when
they decide they are not receiving the full dose they need for their survival,
they will likely just discard you, after selecting a new person to fuel their
ego from those left waiting in the wings, on reserve, for this moment.
While "asleep" or
deluded to the truth before us, we want to be kind and loving to those that
have been harmed, it is our nobility that traps us. The key is to be Awake in
our nobility. Know when to use our heart, our wisdom, our soul...and when
to use our cunning...even perhaps our sword, the sword of power that was always
within us if we would simply be willing to use it.
Our truth telling loving
character is beautiful, yet, if you want to get free from a sociopath or
narcissist, you are simply going to have to learn to temper this. Learn
how to say what is necessary, yes, EVEN if it is not precisely true! And
less is more...the more you divulge, the more you load their arsenal with which
they plan to attack you.
So what ignites the evil to become more visible to us? Their
attack patterns are not precisely the same.
It has been my experience that
the sociopath attacks when they think you are finding your freedom, your
independence, and they try to bring you back under their control. When
their attacks fail, they recalculate. Most often, they now come in with charm,
claiming some proclamation of failure that they persuasively swear they will
remedy, for good this
time.
The narcissist, attacks when they believe they have been
questioned, when you push back on something they have stated, or you withdraw
some of your devoted attention. Thy King shall never be questioned and shall
always be adored. Thy King is never wrong...now you mere servant, get back to
work. Honor me or it shall be off with your head! To honor me, you must
raise me up, you must see my uniqueness and cherish it. You must also
prove yourself worthy of the continuation of my love by explaining your
unacceptable behavior... and remember, "I would NEVER harm the sanctity of
Love, or betray you and I demand the same from you." The hidden words
following that statement that shant ever be revealed are...unless you dare
to observe anything short of greatness in me.
From the beginning, if we could
just remember we deserve nothing but Love. That when our gut is prompting us
that something is wrong, we must trust it. Trust that knowing. Don't let
the "picture" of the dream blind you from the truth of the delusional
journey you can easily embark on, but not easily recover from—once you are
jolted into seeing their cruelty as real. We must all AWAKEN...and STAND.
And lest we never forget, the label of sociopath, narcissist, psychopath is not
what matters, the quality of your life does. If it hurts, destroys, disempowers
or minimizes us, we must begin to move away from it. We must remind ourselves
of our power and sound mind. We must remind ourselves to remain grounded in our
intellect, our knowing of their behaviors and patterns and begin our
escape. For each scenario that you question the proficiency of your mind,
know that was their intention, to have you lose faith in your knowing and your
abilities. Instead remember, your life with them caused you to have sane
reactions to insane situations; not the other way around. We must do what
we can to recapture our freedom and never let go of it again. We deserve
to be surrounded in only Love, and we know the difference. Trust that
knowing. Always.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and
My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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