Excerpt from Me and My Shadow:
"It is our fear of something bad happening, our fear of shame and the resulting need to control that causes that tight rope, that restrictive environment where we carefully focus on each step for fear of falling. That focus, and our lack of self-awareness, causes us to build the prison that contains us. We deny our freedom to feel, which numbs us. It is in honoring our freedom to feel and acknowledging those feelings that we gain awareness, not only of ourselves, but of others. Awareness enables us to experience freedom from manipulation. This is not to say you cannot be influenced. This is to say that you will only be influenced by those who you allow to influence you. This has always been true, but now you will be aware of what you are allowing. If the influence is not in alignment with your goals, or your values, you can choose to ignore the influence.
What if the very thing you are trying to
avoid comes to fruition because of your desire to control? We tend to attract
those things that we focus on, and what could possibly require more focus than
attempting to control those things that are out of our hands? The more you try
to control people and situations, the more out of control they become.
Sometimes the tipping of the applecart brings great awareness and strength. Sometimes
letting things fall leads to a new understanding. Remember the jigsaw puzzle? Any
attempt to hold another’s “piece” for them is an attempt to control.
How many other instances are there that
we attempt to control? We strive to control because we fear the potential
outcomes. There are two potential outcomes that we tend to fear, but they are
really one in the same. The first is an outcome resulting in the loss of a
tangible object we are attached to (money, possessions, a person, or even a
lifestyle). The second is an outcome resulting in our own shame. Guilt triggers
us; we worry something bad will happen, so we act to avoid shame. This one may
be slightly harder to grasp than the loss of a tangible object. It is often
seen when we attempt to control a person or situation. To provide an
illustration, perhaps we are attempting to “change” our significant other. This
person is abusive, but we know that we can help. As stated earlier, it is our
soul purpose. But perhaps there is something other than our kind heart keeping
us in the relationship, perhaps there is fear. We must change him or her to
avoid the shame of failure, the shame of being unable to fix them. The shame of
another failed relationship. When we fear loss of something tangible, the fear
feels different, but it is still rooted in shame. The shame of how we will be
perceived without the people or possessions that define us. In each of these
instances, this fear tends to manifest itself in the form of worry. “I am
worried about my marriage” or “I am worried about the economy.” These “worries”
are merely fear in disguise. It is by releasing control that we release the
fear, and thus the worry associated with it. The only thing we can control is
ourselves, and while we cannot allow others to manipulate and abuse us, we must
allow life to happen. Life is going to happen either way, but the joy in life
is found by relinquishing control.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and
My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/Book-and-Kindle
No comments:
Post a Comment