When we were
children we looked everywhere in wonder. We noticed what was all around us. We
weren't hell bent on denial, or ignoring the truth. We sought the in the moment presence and beauty in everything and everyone, until
we realized some of that hurt. We began to narrow our focus, turn away from
what was hard to see, numb to aspects of life that at some level we knew were
true, but we didn't want to see. We began to change our joy and love into fear
and confusion. Our circumstances began to define us and many times we started
to believe we were helpless to change the conditions of our lives. And as
children, that is largely true. And the younger we are, the more true it is. Once
we become adults however, we always have the power to change our circumstances.
Our awareness of that power will be dependent upon how much we were forced to
endure; how much we allowed our power to be hidden for fear of repercussions.
Our experiences will determine the actions we believe we need to take or not
take to survive in life. In the state of mind where we perceive we are
powerless, where we are in a pattern of such vigilance that we can't even slow
down or rest enough to see the truth of our lives, we detach from parts of our
reality. I call this existence, being asleep in our lives. Might there be a
place in your life that you are asleep?
What if it is
possible that the truth is always in front of us, and the question becomes what
are we willing to see? Consider for a moment that before you, at all times, is
a mosaic or a mural representing your life, and we are routinely simply
choosing to see the pieces of that life that we decide to see, or the pieces we
can handle seeing or merely what we want to see. What are the consequences when
we choose to ignore what is right in front of us, or choose to only see what is
in the periphery, or vice versa?
This decision
to delude ourselves, to ignore the truth that at some depth of existence we
know is there, can be devastating. How
many times have we had an inner prompting, a voice that tells us to look,
listen or investigate, especially where abuse is concerned? A voice that says
something isn't right, or someone is deceiving us, or even harming us and we
ignore it? We ignore it for many reasons, but the largest one, is it takes
courage to look at the things when we know if we face them, we will have to
acknowledge truths we don't want to acknowledge and, we will then have to DO
something about it. We get comfortable in our comfort zone, even if in that
space we are actually uncomfortable! The discomfort has become comfortable; a
sad premise. We accept what we have come to know, even if what we have come to
know is in opposition to Love.
So often
people stay in abusive situations...and there are so many reasons. Perhaps they
are denying the truth because they want to believe someday this abuser will
truly change and everything will get better, or they have begun to believe what
the abuser has told them, that they are worthless and that no one else can love
them, or perhaps they just don't want to deal with all that would need to
change in their life if they were to face and feel the pain of their current
environment or circumstance, or they are just too tired to gather their courage
and stand.
You see
though, the quality of our lives is commensurate with our willingness to look
all around us and seek THE TRUTH...and then stand for what is on a foundation
of Love...Love of ourselves most of all. For if we do not love ourselves
fully...we have that much less to give. Love is boundless and eternal, yet,
without embracing it in every part of ourselves, we are quickly drained of our
strength, of our life force, of our reason for being—Love.
Perhaps these
excerpts From Me and My Shadow, Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom,
will resonate:
Perhaps
you will feel discouraged after you wake up to see whatever you were choosing
to ignore. You may find yourself looking back at all of the times you spotted a
red flag, or had some kind of inner prompting that you were at risk, and chose
to sleep through it. It may feel discouraging that it took you so much time,
that you lost so much. As you now acknowledge those feelings of doubt, that
were there but ignored, you may begin to want to badger yourself for your
failing. I encourage you to not exacerbate your pain by beating yourself up,
for the moment you awaken you can see, and that is all that matters.
Consider
accepting the long standing idea that everything happens in perfect timing. It
is not unnatural to have remorse and regret, but it is counterproductive to
spend a lot of time being in that space, living through the “only ifs” or
“should haves.” Even if a different decision in the past seems as though it
could have brought you to a more favorable present, you will never know exactly
how that decision would have played out, and you can never change the past. You
must accept where you are today, and focus only on how you treat that nagging
little voice moving forward. You have likely experienced enough abuse without
wasting energy on those pesky little "should haves," as that too is a
form of abuse. Those negative thoughts drain the present moment, and our
ability to joyfully move forward armed with our new knowledge...
Once
you wake up, it is as though you step back from the small portion of the mosaic
that you have been looking at, and the seemingly chaotic and haphazard pieces
come together to form a complete image. It happens in an instant. However, when
you see the whole picture for the first time it is often terrifying, and too
overwhelming to attempt to deal with the whole image at once. Gradually, you
begin to see the structure of your chaos. Structure allows you to begin to
trust yourself, thus overcoming your fear. All the wisdom that you had, but did
not own, comes into view. The more of your wisdom that comes into view, the
faster your fear begins to subside. Then suddenly, you are no longer
overwhelmed by the whole image, you know how to get to your freedom, step by
step, piece by piece, you are aware.
And once you are aware, you see what is in
front of you, and you also see what is in the periphery and beyond. Your are no longer deluded or deceived. Freedom
is just within your reach.
Copyright © 2014 by Diana Iannarone
If this strikes a chord with you, consider buying my book:
Me and
My Shadow
Move from Fear and Control to Love and Freedom.
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